Tolstoy writes a letter containing a marriage proposal

Tolstoy realises he is incapable of directly asking Sophia Behrs to marry him, so writes his proposal down. He does not have the courage to give the letter to her that day, nor the next. On the third day, Tolstoy is listening to Tanya sing to Sophia’s piano accompaniment, and vows that if Tanya expertly hits the high note that comes at the end of the composition, he will give Sophia the letter. At last he hands over the letter. This is what it contains: “Sofya Andreyevna, the situation has become intolerable to me. Every day for three weeks I have sworn to myself: today I shall speak; and every day I leave you with the same anguish, the same regret, the same terror, the same joy in my heart ... I am bringing this letter with me, to give to you in case I lack the opportunity, or the courage to speak ... Tell me, tell me truthfully, do you want to be my wife? But do not answer yes unless you can do so fearlessly, from the bottom of your heart. If you cannot, if you have the shadow of a doubt, then it is better to answer no. For the love of God, be certain! If you say no, it will be awful for me, but I am expecting it and shall find strength to bear it. For if I were your husband and were not loved as much as I love, it would be more awful still.” (p258, Tolstoy, Troyat).